Monday, November 16, 2009

A letter to my Olive

Today was mummy's first day back at work. You won't remember today but it will forever be etched in my heart. I left you without saying goodbye. We snuggled and then I traded off to daddy so I could slip out the door without you seeing me go. I cried in the car. I knew you would look for me the way you always do when I'm away too long. This time I wouldn't be there. You were in safe hands with grandma - I just wanted you in mine.

Of course, there were highs. I had forgotten that in the real world you actually take the time to dry your hands after washing them. I went to Starbucks alone which used to be one of my favorite things to do. Coffee. Newspaper. Peace. Except it is hard to sip that venti when your throat is thick with tears.

I'm not alone. I'm one of many. You can spot us a mile off. It seems that we mothers arrive at work tired and go home energized. I was so excited to get home that I skipped the elevator, ran the stairs, sprinted a la stiletto to the car and pulled a Penelope Pitstop just to get you in my arms and savor every second of our 93 minutes together before you fell asleep on my lap.

Tomorrow I'll do it again. I believe it will get easier but for now, please know how much I love you and how thankful I am for you, my beautiful little girl.


18 comments:

  1. wow~ this was sooo refreshing.
    loved it..

    :)

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  2. Oh, it WILL get easier. I remember every minute of my first day back at work with my oldest at 3 months. There were tears, but at the same time I was excited to go back into the "world".
    Good luck to you through this next transition!

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  3. True tears in my eyes after reading this. Beautiful.

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  4. You are not along chicky....and I've been back to work for almost a year. It gets "easier" but it's never "easy"!

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  5. That's alone...not along. Half awake mom at work :)

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  6. Oh, beautiful lady! She will love to read this and 'tis such a super idea. Hope the work days fly and your non-work time soars.

    Lots of love and admiration, as ever! Bene xx

    P.S. The picture to the left of the 'Post A Comment' box is heavenly!

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  7. Oh Paula, you brought tears to my eyes. I love you so much, and of course dear Olivia.She will love and admire you so much! xxxx

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  8. awww look at the baby! She reminds me of
    my lil Grand Daughter. This is Tee following
    from the MBC! You can find me here:

    http://thegrabbag-tanya.blogspot.com/

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  9. Beautiful post. And she is so precious.

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  10. Aww...My heart is aching for you. So beautifully told. Best to you all. Sarah (from Mommy Lite).

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  11. Oh how I remember these first (months) days. I think I will remember that feeling until he's got kids of his own!
    It gets easier when you realize that they want to see Elmo more than you (-:

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  12. I went back to work when my oldest was 6 mos. old. I went back part-time. Then we added another little one and I started to teaching writing at the college level. What a great fit! I only had to leave three mornings a week and for 3 hours! Perfect blend! Then we added number three and that was my max. I was nervous to totally quit working. When fall rolled around I thought I would go crazy, but I was in a groove and it was more than enough. I am so blessed to not be working at all right now. I do a bit of freelance writing and that is all I need. I am totally plugged in with friends and my oldest at his co-op preschool. All is well, and one day I shall return...when they are all in school. My mom did a similar thing and never regretted her years of hardly any money, but tons of time with the babes at home.

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  13. (I love that I messed up on the sentence about teaching college writing....classic! :)

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  14. Beautiful and heart wrenching. I remember those days so well. With #1 and #2 I had these days. It gets easier but never completely easy. HUGS!

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  15. Hey there! Visiting from MBC--I found you from the writer's group. Loved this post. Beautiful. It was moving to see this from a working mother's perspective. Thanks for sharing!

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  16. Your daughter is adorable. I'm following from MBC. I hope you will check out my blog when you get a chance.

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  17. So beautiful Paula! Made my tear up. xoxo

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