Thursday, February 23, 2012

Gummy, Gummy, In My Tummy!

After recently starting that petri-dish of vomitville, Pre-School, i went whole hog into defense mode. Broccoli, oranges, apples, heck, I'll throw in a few prunes. However, i did have a slight heart attack when Olive wandered into my bedroom recently having digested an entire bottle of recently purchased gummy princess vitamins. I had no clue on what to do! oh god - it felt like a lifetime movie - i knew this day of child doing something horrific that may be serious but we could ultimately laugh about would come but NOW? NOW? Immediately, i envisioned putting a bar of soap in her mouth or charcoal (which i clearly have in my pantry along with my anaphylactic shock kit...) or perhaps cooking salt and then shoving my fingers down her throat. Think, i thought! THINK!! OK - 911?! Seems extreme...and yet in hindsight that makes me feel even worse that i put embarrassment before possible over dosage of gummy Cinderellas.
Doctor - next step down - I called and get the advice nurse. She spoke very calmly but firmly - in the same tone as my mother had told me to get out of the pool in Florida because there was a snake behind me that i hadn't yet spotted - and told me to call Poison Control.
Great - right - OK - i feel like Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral - ", could i have their number, please???" Never had i felt more of a failure. Shouldn't i have had a fridge magnet with this number on it? Surely, it should have been handed out in the hospital with the baby? I'll take the placenta - you take this list of useful numbers...
I swear i hear a tut or some sort of irritated sigh. As she starts with the numbers i have to ask her to "hold on" while i find a pen. Note to self, get one of those pens on a string to also go on the fridge. Located pen, now paper, find back of an envelope that will do - "OK, go ahead". I'm surprised that this woman hasn't dispatched social services at this point.
I hang up, call Poison Control - which sounds terrifying - i keep picturing the Jolly Roger flag. Surely it should be "Potentially Harmful Ingested Items Hotline?" Meanwhile, Olive is so jacked up on sugar that i swear she is tripping. She is riding the rocking horse at accelerated speed and i swear she is singing the song that Willy Wonka plays when they go through the psychedelic tunnel on the boat.
Poison Control answers - I reluctantly give my name and address and find myself altering my accent slightly. I quickly explain that my daughter has eaten practically the entire contents of some Costco gummy vitamins. Eyes closed, baited breath.
...and then as though she was shelling peas on the other end of the line..."Oh, (did she laugh?)they do it, ALL THE TIME!" she says - Don't worry".
Um, OK - i think about hanging up and trying another poison expert.
Really? I ask.
Yes, then she asked me some legit questions about weight of child and what the gummies contained and i started to relax a bit, wheeze a little less.
So, apparently 45 gummy vitamins for a toddler - not such a big deal!!! (Do not ever quote me on that).
So...thank you super sugary, yummy gummy princess vitamins!! I have the healthiest, super immune, come and get me virus free toddler in the universe.
(We are however waiting for her to stop riding the rocking horse like a maniac... )

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a Suitable Parent?